Goodbye, Mom

Word of the Day:  Grief (grēf) “Intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.; acute sorrow; deep sadness” Today marks the first anniversary of my Mother’s death.  Some of you may have wondered why I haven’t written quite as often … Continue reading

The Judas Goat

Word of the Day:  Peccadillo ( )   “A small relatively unimportant offense or sin.  Synonyms:  misdemeanor, petty offense, indiscretion, lapse, misdeed.” Have you ever had a pet goat?  We had Mabel the goat.  Like many of the animals that … Continue reading

The Menagerie on Willow Brook Road

Word of the Day:  Menagerie (me naj’ er e) “A collection of wild or strange animals kept in cages or enclosures for exhibition.” I was fortunate to grow up with quite an array of animal friends.  We had the usual … Continue reading

Clowns, Cancer, and Clairvoyance

Word of the Day:  Psychic (si’-kik) “a person who is sensitive to influences or forces of a nonphysical or supernatural nature.” It is still hard for me to grasp, but my father has been dead almost 34 years now. He … Continue reading

My Modelling Career Commences

Word of the Day:  Posture (päs’ chər)  “The position or carriage of the body in standing or sitting, often with reference to the alignment of the back shoulders, and head.”

A professional photographer and his wife lived across the street from us on Willow Brook Road.  Their property was much swankier than ours with a fancy house, a studio, beautiful grounds, and a large in-ground swimming pool.  Apparently he had the contract for the Sears Catalogues.  Remember those old Sears Catalogues that came out a couple times a year?  Sears would ship him stacks and stacks of clothing for him to photograph, using live models.  Enter Lynn and Suzanne!  I really don’t know how it all came about, but a couple times a year we were enlisted to try on an assortment of beautiful new clothes and pose before the cameras.

I assume that some payment was involved in these camera forays, but I don’t think we ever saw any of it.  Someday, in the next life, I’ll have to ask my parents about that!  Of course, if it helped to meet expenses, I think we would have been fine with it, especially if it meant less pheasant for dinner.  The photographer, I think his name was Frank Randt, was a hard task master.  We learned to stand exactly right, with feet and hands in the precise positions he required, while still trying to look natural and unposed.  That was somewhat of an oxymoron, I think.

We both enjoyed the glamour shots, the new shorts and tops outfits, the Easter dresses, and the winter coats, but there was a downside to this modelling business.  We also had to do the underwear fashions. I hated that! At that point, I was as straight as a board as the saying goes.  Little slips, petticoats, undershirts, and even panties.  Who ever wore undershirts anyway?  What could be more mortifying for a cowgirl like me than to be caught in front of a camera in my underwear for all the world to see?  Our career phased out after a couple of years.  I suspect he either lost the Sears contract or we outgrew his criteria for being the right sizes.

There was, however, one amazing side benefit to our short-lived modeling careers. We were invited to use that glorious swimming pool as often as we wanted.  It was surrounded by a chain link fence and totally shielded from view by a number of large trees.  I don’t recall the size of the pool, but it was large enough to have a diving board in the deep end.  Sometimes my Mother, sister, and I went together.  Other times I was allowed to go by myself. At moments like that, I could revert to my Esther Williams persona or, my new favorite, Jane.  Now you are probably saying to yourself, “Who is Jane?”  She, of course, was Tarzan’s consort.  There was a weekly Saturday morning television show about Tarzan, Jane, and the chimpanzee.  They all three went swimming in deep rivers and swinging through the trees on long vines that miraculously never broke and always took them to the  exact right landing spot!  I wonder if Tarzan and Jane ever got married, or if she was a fallen woman?

As I recall those lazy days of swimming, I am somewhat surprised that I was routinely allowed to go unsupervised to a pool like this, but I loved it.  For those of us growing up in the fifties, our days were generally free and unstructured.  Often I left in the morning and didn’t return until hunger or fatigue brought me home again.  I don’t think our parents were any less caring or loving than today’s parents, but there was more of an underlying assumption that kids were basically safe and could take care of themselves.  I don’t think I would have ever let my boys swim alone at a neighbor’s pool as I was allowed to do.

Not too far behind our house there was an old gravel pit where we often rode our horses.  We went up and down the huge piles of sand and gravel and swam the horses across standing bodies of water.  Looking back, I can only shudder at what a dangerous spot this really was!  I am sure all children have tales that they have never shared with their parents, at least not until adulthood, but I never did tell my parents about the gravel pit escapades.

When I became a teenager, I had visions of becoming a fashion model, probably as an aftermath of those early days in front of a camera.  I posed incessantly and often walked around the house balancing a book on my head to ensure good posture.  My Dad never lost his military bearing, and my Mother was somewhat of the posture policia.  “Stand up straight.”  “Hold your shoulders back.”  “Don’t stand there sway-backed.”  I suppose all those admonitions took hold as I do have pretty good posture to this day.

Outside of a few brief stints in high school, my modelling career never quite materialized, and my interests quickly moved on to other visions of the future.  When I was around thirteen or fourteen, I did make my television début.  Unfortunately, it was as the Easter Bunny on some stupid children’s program on one of the Dallas television stations, but it was live television, even if I was totally concealed in my Easter Bunny outfit!

©2015, Black Dirt and Sunflowers

Time for a change of pace next week.  Join me for “Clowns, Cancer, and Clairvoyance.”

More Tales from the White House

Word of the day:  Sunflower (sun flou’ ər) “Any of a genus (Helianthus) of tall plants of the composite family, having large daisylike flowers with yellow, brown, purple, or almost black disks containing edible seeds”

I probably owe you an explanation of why the memoirs of my childhood are called Black Dirt and Sunflowers.  The farm house on Willow Brook Road was set on two acres of land.  It was a long skinny plot of land with the house and garage on one acre, and the pasture in the back.  Our neighbors didn’t have any livestock, so we also had access to their back acres as well, giving us a three acre pasture for the horses and those pesky chickens.  The soil was heavy black dirt, from some ancient  river bottom.  When it rained, the dirt acquired the consistency of heavy clay, sticking to the horses’ hooves like giant black dinner plates.  I don’t know how they even managed to slog around the pasture.  They also loved to roll in the black mud.  They ended up so caked in mud that they looked like some modern version of the terra cotta warriors!

In the summer, we plowed the pastures with Bess’ old International Harvester tractor and scattered rye and alfalfa seed all around.  I was entrusted with the tractor at a fairly young age, long before I could drive a car. We never seemed to grow a great  crop of pasture grass, but we grew sunflowers like crazy.  By August, the pastures were usually covered with six foot tall sunflower plants.  The horses made little meandering trails through them seeking out what little grass that had managed to grow.

We had two horse stalls, a feed and hay room, and the infamous chicken coop.  One of my weekly chores was scrubbing out the horse trough.  It stayed filled with a float valve, but with the well water, the hot weather, and horse slobber, it quickly grew a thick coating of disgusting green algae.  At least once a week, sometimes more often, it was my responsibility to scrub it out with a wire brush until it was once again gleamingly clean.  My Dad’s usual injunction was that it had to be clean enough for me to drink out of, so after thoroughly scrubbing and refilling the trough, I would typically stick my face in and take a few big gulps just to prove to the world that it was definitely clean enough!

My Dad, despite his tough guy exterior, was really an old softie.  In the winter when the cold, damp winds blew ruthlessly across the pasture, he would make up some sort of hot bran, oats, and molasses mash that he fed to the horses, some sort of a horsey oatmeal.  I am not sure what all went into the dish, but the two horses seemed to think it was pretty tasty and eagerly awaited his arrival with the goodies.  My Dad never ever rode either of the two horses, but he was quite fond of them and viewed them as some sort of giant lapdogs.  They reciprocated his affection and looked forward to a variety of treats that he typically carried for them, sugar cubes, carrots, apples, and the all time best treat ever, watermelon rinds.  Horses love watermelon and cantaloupe.  I can still see them happily munching with watermelon drool dripping out of their mouths, messy but tasty!

One morning as we ate breakfast, we heard the clippity clop of iron horseshoes on the gravel driveway.  Without looking up, my Dad said, “Some poor bastard’s horses got out.”  This was followed almost immediately by another loud expletive and “Those are my horses!”  The wayward escapees were quickly rounded up and returned to their pasture, while we all very carefully kept a straight face.  It would not have gone over well to have laughed at that exchange.

We also had a real playhouse, not some sort of little, snap-together plastic thing from Home Depot.  This one was about ten by twelve feet with electricity, screened windows, and a front porch. It had white siding and little red shutters.  Inside were a small table and chairs and a set of old bunkbeds, and the ceiling was tall enough for an adult to stand up in.  For a cowgirl, this was the bunkhouse, the real deal!  The wasps and the bees tended to build their nests under the eaves of the little front porch.  My friends and I learned to knock the nests down and then run like you-know-what out of the way of the angry inhabitants.  The playhouse was stiflingly hot in the summer and way too cold in the winter, but it was, nonetheless, our special place and sanctuary!

Daddy also built us a small above-the-ground swimming pool.  It was about ten feet by eight feet and about two and a half feet deep with poured concrete sides and bottom.  It wasn’t quite big enough to really swim in, but we still enjoyed it immensely on hot summer days.  Often we kids would be kicked out of the little pool, and our parents and their friends would hang out in the pool with a cooler of beer sitting right beside it.  Our flock of ducks, more about them in another blog, also loved the pool and thought Daddy had built it for them.  Of course, after the ducks were in for a while, the pool had to be drained and scrubbed before the human participants could use it again.  Luckily, cleaning the pool never made my chore list!

©2015, Black Dirt and Sunflowers

Join me next week for “My Modelling Career Commences.”

The White House on Willow Brook Road

Word of the Day:  “Chigger (chig’ er) the tiny, red larva of a family  (Trombiculidae) of mites, whose bite causes severe itching.”

“The White House on Willow Brook Road”–sounds like the title of a children’s book, doesn’t it?   When my family moved to the old white house on Willow Brook Road, it proved to be the best place ever to grow up.  Looking back, I realize that it probably wasn’t quite as glamorous as I thought at the time.  We didn’t have a furnace; the house was heated in the winter by open gas heaters with no outside venting.  I suspect that sort of heat wouldn’t be allowed today.  Even as a kid, I learned how to strike a match carefully and light the heaters.  In fact, I still have a slight scar on my right leg as a reminder of a close encounter with one of those hot devices.   As a safety measure, the heaters in the bedrooms would be turned off at night, but the one in the bathroom was left on.  I can still remember running into the bathroom on cold mornings and feeling the wonderful heat from that glowing heater!

Summers weren’t much better! We had no air conditioning in the hot, sticky Dallas heat, but we had a huge attic fan.  Sleeping with that fan running was somewhat like lying under a jet engine during take off.  It practically sucked the sheets off of the bed, but it certainly provided air movement.  One wonderful summer, we got one small window unit air conditioner.  My Dad installed it in the room we called the family room.  I think in the original design of the house it was the dining room, but we had no dining room furniture so it became the family room.  Ah, delicious coolness!  We kept the doors to the rest of the house shut and watched television in the wonderful cool air.  At night the air conditioner was turned off, and the mighty attic fan was turned on. I wonder why it never occurred to us to sleep on the floor in the family room?

Television in the family room was our main source of at-home entertainment.  Saturday morning were replete with Sky King, Rama of the Jungle, Rin Tin Tin, Mighty Mouse, and who recalls what else.  Our old farm-house was also a repository for bugs of all sorts.  Now, I hate bugs, and I think it stems from my lying on the floor in that family room watching television when a scorpion goes strolling past, right next to my foot.   Of all possible bugs, scorpions were the worst!  Worse than wasps, bees, mosquitos, and even the nuisance chiggers.  I was petrified of the scorpions, although I was never unfortunate enough to actually get stung by that frightening tail.

On one particularly horrifying night, I was reading in bed, and all of a sudden I saw a scorpion walking across the top of my book.  I let out a blood-curdling shriek and hurled the book across the room.  Loud footsteps down the hallway quickly brought my Mother, Father, and little sister, all of whom were probably expecting to see an intruder accosting me or at the very least Bigfoot!  The positively scary part was that we never found the nocturnal little creature.  The thought that it had climbed up on my bed and onto my book without my seeing it was what really upset me the most. For a long time, I never went to bed without doing a complete check of the covers, pulling back the sheets and looking under the bed.  To this day, I never let my arm or leg hang out over the side of the bed.  You just can’t be too careful; they might have tracked me down after all these years.

I think my Dad contributed to my hatred of scorpions with his tales of the scorpions in North Africa.  A Captain in World War II, he served in the North African campaign, the invasion of Italy, and the horrific battle of Anzio.  Although he seldom talked about his war-time experiences, he would tell us frightening stories of the scorpions in Africa, six inches long and pasty white.  He said the soldiers never put their boots on in the morning without carefully dumping them out just in case they had an unwelcome visitor in them.  I suspect that I would have found the stories of the actual battles less upsetting than those sneaky scorpions!  When the war ended, returning soldiers were expected to tough it out and get back into civilian life.  There was no such diagnosis as PTSD in those days, but the nightmares my Dad suffered from up until the time of his death may have been the aftermath of the awful realities of that war.  We three, my Mother, my sister, and I,  all quickly learned that when my Dad was sleeping and we needed to wake him up, we gave a quick shake or poke and then ducked.  He always came up with fists flying and arms flailing

Although scorpions warranted my greatest fear, chiggers probably caused me much more misery.  For those of you not familiar with these little creatures, they are some sort of little red mite, almost microscopic, that burrows under the skin, causing hundreds of red welts and itching like crazy.  Not much helped to shorten their obnoxious little life span beneath the skin.  People tried calamine lotion, mercurochrome, and even clear fingernail polish, apparently on the theory that the polish would suffocate the little monsters.  Prevention was somewhat found in dusting your feet, ankles, and groin area with sulfur powder.  My Mother had little cloth pouches of sulfur which we applied generously, turning our socks and clothes a bright yellow color.  I don’t know if she made them or bought them ready-made.  It does make you wonder if the prevention might have been more dangerous to our health than the creatures themselves!

The other prevention was in having a lawn of St.Augustine grass, that lovely viney grass found so often in Texas and the South.  St. Augustine turns brown in the winter and a deep green in the summers.  For some reason,  chiggers don’t like it, and neither do the awful goatshead stickers that I managed to step on so many times!  Unfortunately, our lawn in that old rental house did not have the cool, green St. Augustine.  We had a bit of Bermuda grass augmented by a wide variety of weeds and stickers, just waiting to pounce upon the unspecting bare foot.  And the chiggers loved it!

©2015, Black Dirt and Sunflowers

Join me next Friday for “More Tales from the White House!”

 

Pet Peeves

Word of the day:  Grammar (Gram’-er)  “the study of the way the sentences of a language are constructed, esp. the study of morphology and syntax.”

One of the nice things about doing my own blog is that I can write about whatever strikes my fancy at any given moment. Today I have to hit upon a few of my pet peeves about proper English usage. I certainly accept and have no problem with an idiomatic and colloquial style of writing. I can happily end a sentence with a preposition if it avoids a more convoluted sentence structure, but there are a few things that just grate on my nerves, somewhat like the proverbial old chalk on a blackboard. Screech! Screech!

My top prize has to be a draw between the correct use of  its and it’s and the proper use of the first person pronoun. I am not sure which makes me crazier, but let’s just start with it and it’s. This one is so very easy to fix that no one should ever make this mistake again. The possessive form of the third person pronoun is its with no apostrophe. In the same manner, the possessive form of her is hers, also with no apostrophe. If you use it’s; it is a contraction, a shortening of two words into one with the use of an apostrophe. An easy way to tell if you are using it’s correctly is to use both words, it is. If your sentence doesn’t make sense with it is, you should probably be using its without the apostrophe, e.g., The dog was chasing its tail versus it’s a beautiful day!

My other contender for top honors is the use of I, me, and myself.  Most people seem to do fairly well with I. It seems to be me and myself that give many people fits.  Myself is a reflexive pronoun; it is used when you do something to or for yourself: I treated myself to a hot fudge sundae, or I accidentally hit myself with the hammer when I was trying to hang the picture. If you are the object, use me. The dog bit me. The prize was awarded to John and me, not John and myself. Susan and I conducted the training session, not Susan and myself conducted the training session. I’m not sure where the excessive use of myself has come from, but I suspect a false sense of modesty and a hesitancy to use me?

OK, Lynn, off of your soapbox for now! For some future blog, I may hit upon the past participle (ate and eaten, saw and seen, among others) or the use of the possessive with a gerund, but that may be too high-tech for today. If you really want to check yourself out on contemporary usage, a great resource is Common Errors in English Usage by Paul Brians.   I also suspect the use of the autocomplete function on our many electronic devices and the numerous inherent errors in the spellcheck and grammar functions in our software contribute to many unwitting mistakes for all of us. Sometimes our fingers just take on a life of their own on the keyboard and type the wrong word when we do indeed know better.  I find I make oh, so many more errors on my iPad than I do on my PC with a conventional keyboard.

The other classic reference for grammar is The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White. I’m so weird that I actually requested the leather-bound 50th anniversary edition for a Christmas gift several years ago! Now I realize that everyone may not be this far out in their reading interests, but it is a great resource for improving both your written and spoken English usage. In today’s competitive business world, your proper use of language may make or break an opportunity for you. I hope this little monologue helps you to condition yourself to the importance of using the English language in its best form, and if I offended you, I do apologize in advance.

©2015, Eclectic Grandma

Check in next week for “The White House on Willow Brook Road” with scorpions, chiggers, and World War II!